Meeting the Challenge of Relocating

One of the biggest challenges to recruiting and placing top executives, even in "once-in-a-lifetime" positions, is family resistance to relocation. More times than my colleagues and I care to remember, the likely response from senior executives whom we approach with exciting new prospects is a categorical, "No, thank you, I can't move because of… my spouse's job or… my son/daughter is a junior in high school."

With some 40-million or more Americans (almost 20 percent of the population according to the Census Bureau) relocating each year, you would think moving would be second nature to most of us and that the attractions of a new job—greater income, new community, bigger house, potential foreign living and travel, etc.—would more than offset the reluctance of loved ones to change.

But the experts say differently, especially when it comes to children and moving. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (www.aacap.org) describes moving to a new community as "one of the most stress-producing experiences a family faces" and that "… even a single move can be especially hard on children and adolescents."

Barbara F. Schaetti, a Ph.D. expert on relocation who grew up in a family that moved 12 times and lived in 10 countries on five continents by the time she was 22, observes, "There is no magic pill, no way to make it simple. Moving is difficult and the logistics involved are really the very least of it. Much more complicated and fundamentally much more important are the family's emotional and psychological needs."

There is no "right" or "wrong" way in deciding to make the jump from being a senior functional manager to CEO or to accept a much broader scope of responsibility within a larger organization. Clearly there is a whole lot more concern about moving kids, especially when they are in high school, than there was in the past. Each family makes its own decision, based on its unique needs and considerations.

Fortunately for today's executives having to decide whether to uproot the family to take advantage of a career move, there is a wealth of helpful information available on the Internet. That's the good news. As always with the Internet, however, the bad news is, there is no single source to click for the best information.

Depending on your key search word—"moving," "relocation," "moving families," "teenagers," "moving teenagers," "moving stress," and "you-name-it"—you can call up moving companies (local, regional, national, global), relocation services (domestic and international), publishing companies, job services, individual consultants, even the United States Army. If you are not careful, the search can quickly eat up a lot of time and produce unsatisfactory results.

One of the more straightforward pieces of advice about teenagers and moving we found comes from relocation expert Dr. Patricia Cooney Nida:

• Listen, Listen, Listen. As with all children, communication is important. Teens may seem to handle the move in a very adult way, but they still need the love and support of their mom and dad. Spend time doing things with your teen after the move to help them learn to like your new community. Listen closely to what they say and don't say. Your quiet teen may be unhappy but may think that no one wants to listen.
• Boy Watch. Boys in particular will often try to keep feelings to themselves. There is a danger that you can mistake "no comment" for "no feeling."
• Girl Watch. The risk with girls is that you might mistake a deep psychological pain for just another case of teenage dramatics. Girls form very strong bonds with their friends. Some teenage girls feel devastated when they can't instantly re-establish the intimacy they enjoyed so much before the move. They are also especially vulnerable to the collective stress of repeated moves.

Another more unusual bit of counsel was from clinical psychologist Dr. Joseph B. Keegan, excerpted on a Canadian real estate agency website (www.teskey.com "Preparing Your Children for a Move"), who wrote: "While many parents consider the summer months to be the best time to relocate to avoid disrupting their children's education, many families who've moved before have learned that there are definite advantages to moving during the school year. If you arrive in a new community during the summer, you're likely to find that organized activities are already underway and it may be too late for your children to participate. Often, neighborhood kids are on vacation or away at camp, making it difficult to make new friends immediately. And at the beginning of the school year, teachers may not have extra time to pay special attention to the needs of the 'new kid at school.'

"When a child transfers during the school year, however, teachers and students have already overcome those ‘back to school transitions, and teachers have more time to help orient the transferred child to the new school."

Although we cannot vouch for their content, two of the more helpful sites we visited at random for this e-Notes were www.fmmc.army.mil and www.branchor.com. As you would expect from the U.S. Army, the former features a cryptic but seemingly spot-on discussion of "Moving with Teenagers." The latter is a publishing house specializing in relocation and offering a free newsletter on the topic.

Until next time, thank you for your interest.

For more information about Kincannon & Reed, please link to krcontact@krsearch.net.